But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
