i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
