I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
