Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
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