I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
me + whiskey = a bad person
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Randomize