Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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