Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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