There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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