So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
smell my finger.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
