If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
