New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
