True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
