think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
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