Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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