I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
What a dumb baby whore.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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