No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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