Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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