I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
People in love make me want to vomit
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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