google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
what day is it and did you see me today?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
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