I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
