Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
