I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
