I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
