I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
