Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
are you so shy because you have an std?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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