Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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