you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
