Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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