The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
