he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
