hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Randomize
