I accidentally had phone sex last night
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
