My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
