A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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