She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
