My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
