dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
