I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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