yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
