you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
