My liver just broke up with me...
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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