i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
