First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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