I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
