I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
