Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
