she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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