My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
