We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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