I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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