people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
