how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
