Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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