it's like heaven, but drunker
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
