There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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