Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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