I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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