If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
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pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
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you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
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