i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
