So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
and i looked up. we had an audience...
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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