Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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