no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
