Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
