She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
