final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I can't put those talents on a resume
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
