So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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