just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Two words: blizzard sex
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
