My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
