soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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