While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
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This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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