so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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