did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
