were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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