the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
These tits shall not be calmed
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
