remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
